sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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