hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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