Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
as a side note pls kill me
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
