You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
