apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
