How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
They took my balls.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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