Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
