should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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