Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
