My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
