hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
