You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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