I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
