We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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