so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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