I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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