He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
