SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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