Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
