relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
