that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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