It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
