Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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