why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize