Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
