She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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