You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
