At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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