you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
