mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
