Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
