Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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