Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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