If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
