note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
