i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
