yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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