is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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