So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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