I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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