I'm lost and stupid without you.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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