i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Randomize