You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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