I wanna passion pit in your ass
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Randomize