i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
