We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
