he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
