I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
