Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
