you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
