i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
this boner is exhausting
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
