Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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