i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
