i just had sex bonerless
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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