she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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