oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
