i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
