Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
