apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
