Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
