Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
