Banned from zoo.
Again?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
