I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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