i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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