I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
