it wasn't lemon gatorade
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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